I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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