I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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