if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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