So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
