I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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