I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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