I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
