there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
