it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
