Already got asked if we're dating
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
