I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
