piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
