My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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