I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
