First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
