went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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