My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
