My liver just broke up with me...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
