Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
