I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
