my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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