I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize