I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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