it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
