I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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