i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
