Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
