so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
