I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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