My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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