Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
