a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
this is an emotional support booty call
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
