seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's always time for handjobs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
