She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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