i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
