it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need a beard to bite.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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