booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
