he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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