Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
