you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
