take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
