11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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