I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
