Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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