I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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