Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i need an iv and a liver transplant
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
