Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
