Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
