I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
