I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize