u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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