My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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