in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All the doctor said was why
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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