i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize