Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
