Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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