the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
