Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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