You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
