he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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