just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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