I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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