He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
